


Valentine's Day

by EverythingButColdFire



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Aroace Sirius Black, Aromantic Sirius Black, Asexual Sirius Black, Baker Sirius Black, Bakery, Cake, Cute Dog, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, I used the word love too many times, Internalized Aphobia, James Potter is a Good Friend, Not a coming out story, Romantic and sexual love are not the only kinds of love, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29396211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverythingButColdFire/pseuds/EverythingButColdFire
Summary: Sirius is 30 years old and is living his best life. He is aroace, but his adoptive parents don't know and he doesn’t think they’ll understand if he tells them
Relationships: Sirius Black & James Potter
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	Valentine's Day

**Author's Note:**

> CW: Internalized Aphobia

Sirius woke to the beeping of his alarm clock. He looked blearily at the red display.

02:15AM

He groaned loudly and made to roll over out of bed, but stopped when he noticed a weight on his chest. There was a criminally cute, long haired dachshund lying on top of him, fast asleep.

“Snuffles,” he whispered, petting his long soft fur. “Snuffles, love, I’m sorry, you have to move.”

Snuffles cracked his eyes half open and glared up at him.

“I know, I’m sorry, but it's a big day at the office. I’ve got to get there early and make sure everything goes smoothly.”

Snuffles gave him a hard stare before closing his eyes again, settling back against his chest. Sirius sighed.

“Sorry about this, love,” he said as he slowly sat up, displacing Snuffles and gently guiding him onto the bed. He looked up at him with a look of pure disdain that plainly said he could not believe Sirius would do this to him. In the middle of the night, no less.

He ran his hand over the dog’s tiny head, “Lily and Harry will be by in a few hours to walk you, yeah? Don’t hide from them again.”

His ears twitched a little at the word “walk,” but he closed his eyes and curled up in the warm spot Sirius had left.

“See you after work,” he murmured, pulling the blanket up to cover him and planting a kiss on the top of his head.

Fifteen minutes later, he was out the door, coffee in hand and breakfast packed away in his lunch bag. He walked at a brisk pace, the crisp, cold air shocked the sleepiness from his system. By the time he’d arrived at the bakery, he was wide awake.

He unlocked the front door and ducked inside, locking it again behind him. The other bakers wouldn’t be there till 4:00, but he wanted to get there early to batten down the hatches, since Valentine’s Day was the busiest day of the year. 

The holiday didn’t do anything for him personally, but the demand for cakes, cupcakes, pastries, chocolate covered strawberries, etc was sky high, and he was definitely willing to cash in on it.

He’d always felt disconnected from Valentine’s Day, confused as to why a holiday was needed to loudly and publicly celebrate romantic love. He was never interested in any of it. In school, he’d watched his classmates (especially James) make fools of themselves asking people out or going through messy breakups. Even when their relationships worked out, the dynamic between them was something he couldn’t really wrap his head around. Why was that kind of love considered more important than the love he had for his friends?

He’d tried dating in the past. He felt like he had to. Society and everyone around him insisted that it was compulsory. A necessary step in life. But he had hated how it made him feel. He didn’t feel like himself when he dated, he was pretending to be someone he wasn’t, someone he could never be. He was acting out a script he didn’t write, piecing together how he was supposed to act from things he’d seen in movies and on tv. It never felt _easy_ or _right_ or _authentic_ or however he was told it was supposed to feel. He’d thought maybe he would feel different after he had sex, but that was certainly nothing to write home about in his experience.

Nothing ever lasted longer than a couple months and he had given up on dating entirely, convinced there was just something wrong with him that he couldn’t feel the way others did. But then he found out there was a word for his experience. Aromantic asexual. Aroace. It had fit so perfectly. He wasn’t broken and never had been. He just didn’t feel two types of attraction, simple as that.

Now that he understood, everything clicked into place. It was the best feeling. Every confused thought, every romantic misunderstanding, it all made sense. He felt so free and whole and confident, because he didn’t want that. He never had, not really. Society wanted that for him. He could get on with his life without romance taking up any space in his brain.

He was thrilled to be single for the rest of his life. If someone came along who was on the exact same page as him, that could be lovely, but he by no means longed for any sort of relationship. They would have to be pretty damn special for him to be interested. He already had everything he needed. 

He loved being independent. He had been living in his own place since he was 18. He’d worked hard at multiple bakeries, even traveled to learn from the best. He’d taken business classes, researched laws and permits and everything until he was ready to go into business for himself. He’d bought his current premises 3 years ago with the money his Uncle Alphard had left him. It had been hard at first, but now the bakery was thriving, on its way to becoming a pillar of the community. The work was still hard at times and the hours could be long, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He couldn’t be happier with his life. He lived walking distance from his best friends: James and Lily, and his godson Harry. He was at Fleamont and Euphemia’s house every Sunday for lunch. He had the world’s cutest dog and his dream job. He hosted parties for his friends on a regular basis. His life was full of love, overflowing with it. Everyone in his life knew he was aroace, except for his adoptive parents. He didn’t think they would understand.

He knew better than anyone how alienating Valentine’s Day could feel to people who weren’t in a committed romantic relationship, so this year he was striving to make it more inclusive. He did his best to come up with designs for the cupcakes and cookies that showcased all types of love. They still had a wide variety of items appropriate for a significant other, but they stocked just as many items designed for friends, family, even for dogs. And there was no shortage of products for single people.

However, the most important thing about Valentine’s Day to him was that it was Euphemia Potter’s birthday.

He’d always loved that her birthday was on Valentine’s Day. He loved subverting the consumerist romantic holiday by celebrating his love for the woman who took him in and gave him a home when he’d run away from his. It also allowed him to opt out of the regular bullshit conversations in a few important ways. If anyone asked if he had any plans, instead of saying “frowning and complaining about how romance is shoved down our throats” he could just say, “It’s my mother’s birthday,” and everyone would go on about how sweet that was. And he could claim he was contractually obligated to spend the day with her, which was absolutely true and an added bonus.

He loved her so much. It made his chest ache and eyes tear up if he thought about it too hard. She was the kindest and most supportive woman he knew and he couldn’t believe he had gotten so lucky when he had befriended James at age 11.

Words had never been his strong suit, but he loved expressing his feelings with actions or gifts. Laboring over a cake with exactly her favorite flavors was how he could show his love. Baking two vanilla bean 9 inch rounds, crafting a perfect whipped cream that was light and fluffy but not too sweet, slicing perfectly ripe strawberries. Carefully layering it all together and decorating it to create a beautiful and edible gift. What could be better than that?

The morning rolled on and everything went according to plan. Everything was baked and decorated on time and they were even able to complete the cake orders ahead of schedule. He left at 10:30, confident that his team was set up for success.

He walked home with the cake for Effie, cupcakes for the rest of the family, and a few dog biscuits for Snuffles. The birthday lunch was at noon, so he had plenty of time to get ready.

He fed his dog, washed off the flour and sugar and before long, he and Snuffles were standing at the Potters’ front door.

The door swung open. “Snuffles!!!” an excited voice yelled. Harry was on the floor in front of him hugging his dog.

Sirius laughed, “Nice to see you too, Harry!”

“Hi Uncle Sirius,” he said, not looking up from Snuffles.

Lunch was a small affair. It was just Euphemia, Fleamont, James, Lily, and Harry. He’d used to feel like a 3rd wheel at these things, but now that Harry was old enough to hold conversations, he was able to be the cool uncle. Besides, he was fully confident in himself. He wasn’t ashamed to be the only single person in a group of couples.

Effie’s birthday lunch went exceptionally well. Since it was always on Valentine’s Day, he had come to expect curious pitying glances from his adoptive parents and well meaning questions asking if he was seeing anyone. Followed by them gassing him up, assuring him he was desirable and young and handsome and they couldn’t understand how he was still single. 

But there was none of that today. It was great, he could just hang out with his favorite people without the general oppressive air of the unasked question: “why are you spending the day with us rather than a date?” It was a little too good to be true, to be honest, he suspected James had told them not to bring it up.

Effie loved the cake, she said it was the best one yet (which she said about every cake he made). She tried to pack some up in a tupperware for him to take home, but he wouldn’t accept it, he’d made it especially for her.

When it came time to leave, his heart was so full. He was high on the feeling of being surrounded by all the people he loved most.

As he left, Effie pulled him aside. She squeezed him tightly and said quietly in his ear, “Don’t worry, you’ll find a lover.”

The words cut through him like a knife. 

He pulled back and the sad, pitying expression on her face broke his heart. His eyes darted to Fleamont and when he saw a similar expression, he was properly devastated. He didn’t know what to say, so he just gave them a tight smile and walked off with Snuffles at his heels.

Why did they think he wanted a lover? He had never expressed interest in _anyone_ , or even in the idea of a relationship to them. He had never brought anyone home to meet them.

Couldn't she see how much he loved her? How much he loved all of them? Couldn’t she see how happy he was? Why couldn’t that be enough? And why did she have to look so sad? Whenever she got like this, it doubled down his belief that she wouldn’t understand his sexuality. 

She was the sweetest, most accommodating person. But when she looked at him like that, he could see in her eyes how deeply she believed he was missing something. That she truly, deeply believed that he couldn’t be happy until he was married. It made him feel like shit. Like he could never be good enough for her.

He remembered all the times she had excitedly asked him if there were any cute girls at school, eager to talk about romance and share her knowledge. And after several years of negative responses, she would ask if there was _anyone_ cute at school. She said it without judgement. It warmed his heart to know she would accept him, no matter who he loved, but that wasn’t the issue. 

He wasn’t worried that she wouldn’t accept that he was aroace, he knew she would. He was worried that she wouldn’t understand it. He could imagine what she would think. That he wasn’t opening himself up to love. That he wasn’t trying hard enough to put himself out there. That he just hadn’t found the right person. Or worse. That she would think he was broken. That he was cold and heartless. That she had failed as a mother or he had been fucked up by his family. 

His thoughts spiraled all the way home. When he got there, he collapsed in a heap on his bed. After moping for a good 30 minutes instead of taking a nap like he needed to, he pulled out his phone and dialed his best friend.

“Hello?”

He exhaled deeply, “James - I - “

“Sirius, it's a bullshit corporate holiday. They’ve swindled us all into spending way too much money on fancy dinners and expensive gifts and - I dunno - red shit. Honestly I’m jealous that you’re immune to it AND have found a way to profit off it, how much money did the bakery make today?”

Sirius laughed, _this_ was why James was his best friend, of course he had a whole speech prepared to cheer him up. “It’s not that, we made a LOT of money today, I’m giving everyone bonuses. I just…”

James groaned loudly on the other end of the line, “What did they say to you?”

“Just, something small. It shouldn’t matter, it just - it hurts to know that they think I should be sad. That they don’t think I’m enough by myself.”

“Shit. Sirius you know that’s bullshit.”

“I know, I know, I just...it still hurts.”

“I know, Sirius. Look, I’m sorry, I told them not to say anything.”

“It’s alright, they don’t...well obviously they don’t know because I haven’t explained it to them. I just - I want to tell them, but - I dunno. I don’t think they’d understand.”

“I know what you mean. They’re from a different time, aren’t they? They got married at 18 and almost everyone they grew up with did too. They’ve fully bought in to the nuclear family with 2.5 kids idea of happiness, haven’t they?”

Sirius chuckled, “Yeah, they have. I’m glad that’s worked out for them, but that’s just not for me.”

“I know, Sirius.”

“I know they’re worried and they just want what’s best for me, but - I wish they could see I don’t need all that to be happy.” He let out a loud exasperated breath. “I’m just trying to celebrate her birthday and it's an opportunity to remind me that I’ll never meet their expectations.”

“That’s not true Sirius, don't think about it like that. They just don’t understand. That’s all.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Listen, you don’t have to tell them, believe me, I know what they’re like. But if you do, I know they’ll accept it. They might not understand it, but they love you and nothing can change that. Just, don’t let them ruin your day or make you feel bad, yeah? They don’t think you _should_ be sad, they probably just think you already are and are hiding it from them. But that’s not true. You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it. Christ, they know it, they’re just working with an old fashioned set of beliefs. They don’t know any different. And they _do_ think you’re good enough. Before you got to lunch today they were gushing about how well the bakery is doing and how proud they are of you.”

“Were they really? That’s so sweet.”

“It was fucking adorable,” James chuckled. “Mum printed up flyers for the bakery and hands them out to all her friends. And also to random people she runs into.”

Sirius cackled, “Shut up, that’s so cute, I didn’t know she did that.”

“She’s so proud of you Sirius. They both are.”

Sirius felt a little choked up. “You’re right. Yeah. You’re right. Thanks James, you’re the best.”

“No problem,” he could hear him smiling. “Now you have to be here by 5 because Lily and I have a reservation at 5:30 and we cannot be late. Harry is so excited to spend the evening with his godfather.”

Sirius grinned, “Tell him I can’t wait. I’m bringing Snuffles and we’re going to watch How to Train Your Dragon.”

James laughed, “He’s gonna have the best time, he fucking loves that dog.”

Sirius cackled, “Me too, James, me too. I’ll see you in a few hours. Thanks for listening to me.”

“Anytime Sirius. Enjoy your nap.”

“Will do.”

He hung up the phone and stared up at the ceiling, smiling. James was right. Of course he was. He couldn’t let people who didn’t understand ruin his day like that. And he couldn’t waste energy getting mad at people for not understanding when it wasn’t their fault. If it was anyone’s fault, it was society’s. He was happy, that's what mattered.

He would find a way to explain it to them. But not today.

**Author's Note:**

> I might add to this, I’ve got some ideas floating around in my head. Coming out to James’s parents? QPR with Remus? Idk, if you’d like to read any of that, lemme know!
> 
> Also aromanticism and asexuality are different for everyone, some aroace people date and/or want relationships, I super wasn't trying to imply that all aroace people don't date
> 
> Also PLEASE drag me in the comments if I’ve misrepresented the aroace experience and let me know what I can do to fix it!


End file.
